Footloose And Ideology Free

The Times of India, 27th March, 2010

Shucks. The Nowhere Men are having all the fun. When you belong nowhere, you roam everywhere. And you can end up with a piece of the action somewhere. Ask Big B. His tent has been unpitched from the samajwadis' camp. But, footloose, Brand UP's ex-Shahenshah was hired on the spot as Gujarat's "tourism ambassador". Not least because SIT-ing duck Modi needs all the friends he can get. Commie-controlled Kerala wasn't as obliging. Though Big B denies allegiance to political saffron, Karat-led lefties see the world only in terms of black and red. If you aren't a card-carrying Karat-e-Kid, go lotus-eat.

But there are other fishing expeditions in the sea. Like in MP where Big B can rent a cause to, say, "save" the Narmada. Orissa's also a potential hirer provided Kalahandi's kept off the itinerary. And look: there's Big B again, next to Maharashtra's CM at the Bandra-Worli sealink! If Congress bosses are furious at his surprise cameo, Big B perhaps saw no harm in short-lived reunion. The NCP, periodically sniping at its state ally, will agree. As for Bollywood-watchers, they're raving less and less about Big B's screen presence than his off-screen omnipresence.

Why not? Jacks of all trades are ideological members of none. All-weather enemies can be fair-weather friends if the cause (or stake) is right. For instance, Haiti has seen a charity-oriented team-up of two of America's Nowhere Men belonging to rival parties with little use for them. For Bush and Bill Clinton, the cause was right: creating a $37 million fund for the quake-hit Caribbean nation. Plus, Billy-boy has another shot at burying Monicagate's irrepressible ghost while ex-war prez Dubya can play a post-Iraq peacenik.

Why let opportunities pass? Take Russia's Nowhere Man Gorbachev, ex-Soviet who pushed glasnost at a time Russians stood in bread queues. His hand in empire's dismantling meant unpopularity. Yet, sometime ago, globe-trotting Gorby endorsed Louis Vuitton luggage in a big-money ad campaign that'd make Marx red-faced. Yes, things like the Berlin Wall do fall sometimes between clashing ideologies, warring nations, duelling netas and other sundry sworn enemies. With marvellous results such as an ex-USSR president Limo-riding past the Wall, as brand ambassador of a super-luxury French fashion house!

India's Marx-men, of course, will cry "capitalist deca-dence". That's why expelled CPM veteran Somnath Chatterjee better think twice about getting rehired should Bengal's Mamata-baited comrades SOS him, as they're reportedly mulling. Why return to being sad old red when a multi-coloured universe needs roving ambassadors?

Beatles Lennon and McCartney once toasted a Nowhere Man sitting in a nowhere land, making his nowhere plans for nobody. They were right in telling that man: "The world is at your command!" The Nowhere Man, the music-makers also said, is "a bit like you and me". Let's do away with a few more walls and iron curtains in our minds to prove them right.